"..duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly.."

I must admit I am somewhat disappointed. Though I have waited patiently for the past few days, I have yet to hear from the government about my new green job. However, in the spirit of the day I have decided to "seize gladly" my duty to help the economy. I will lay out my plan and I hope that many of you, as Americans, will understand "that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world" and follow suit.

First, let me say that my investment portfolio has suffered the same fate as the stock market - down around 40% in the past year. That's a significant hit and it is all ex-President Bush's fault. That being said, I believe I still have enough to make a significant difference to this economy.

What I propose is the following:

1. Withdraw all of the money in my (now reduced) IRAs and 401K. The logic behind this move is indisputable. For one thing, though I am presently unemployed, I fully expect to be working for the government as soon as Congress approves the new bailout plan. (I can only imagine that is the reason I haven’t heard about my new government job just yet. No money honey!) In the meantime, I will have cash on hand to pay the bills and, more importantly, spend.
   
2. Pay the 10% penalty on the withdrawal amounts. Now we all know that, as a member of the middle class, we don’t pay enough taxes. If we did, we wouldn’t be in this pickle in the first place! Look at how robust the Federal Income was at the end of the Clinton presidency. I mean, we had a surplus!!! So, it is my responsibility – my duty to the nation – to pay more taxes. Since I don’t have a current income the only way I know how to accomplish this is to withdraw my retirement savings and pay the 10% penalty. Note: for those of you with a job, I suggest you not only withdraw all your retirement savings, but also ask your employer to double the amount of withholding from your paycheck. Next year, when you file your tax return, you can just tell the government to keep the extra as your contribution to the federal deficit. (I believe it is somewhere around $140K per individual right now. It should go up considerably by then. You owe!)
   
3. Now, as for the remaining money. I suggest you run out and buy a car. Remember, nothing foreign. We need to support Detroit and the unions. Our fellow Americans are depending upon us! Oh, and no trade-ins! If you don’t have room for the new car, then advertise the old one in your local paper. This is another critical step. Our newspapers are going broke due to lack of advertising so it is our patriotic duty to help them and the union employees who work there.
   
4. I bet you are still wondering why you can’t trade in your vehicle. Here is the deal: there are people out there who cannot get credit from the Big Banks. So, to get the credit market moving again, we are going to extend credit on all those who buy our used cars!!! Just think about it. It makes perfect sense. We can all take the part of a mini Freddie Mac – no credit check, no nothing. Trust. Trust in your fellow American. Hey, if you’re really lucky, you will be helping an undocumented immigrant get started.

Well, that’s it for now. I’m going to try really hard to think up some other ways we can help jump-start the economy. Remember, “..there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.”